This Blog Post is a Continuation of post at KamilMigas.com
According to Carol Dweck people with this type of mindset can build new talents through practice, they can learn from mistakes and failures. So if you have “growth” mindset actually you don’t need to be confident, right? You are willing to do what you were planning to do because you want to grow. Because even you fail you will learn something from the failure and that will bring you closer to the goal. To be honest with you I believe you have “growth” mindset because you are still reading it, that’s even bigger proof of your “growth” mindset! Amazing, congrats to you!
Of course, even you are willing to grow and learn from your failures a “problem” called Not Confident still prevents you from taking action, right? Well, there are few basic human needs that need to be fulfilled before you will become truly confident or I should say high self-esteemed and it starts from basic human needs:
1. BASIC NEEDS (Food, Water, Air etc.)
2. SAFETY (Security, Health, Employment etc.)
3. LOVE & BELONGING (Friendship, Family etc.)
4. ESTEEM (Confidence, Achievement, Recognition etc.)
In my opinion, the order of Safety and Love can be changed but it doesn’t change the fact that you need those 3 (Basic Needs, Love, Safety) to become confident about yourself, your life and your business. The problem is that many people already have been to that 3 levels but do not realize it. People say “no one loves me”, but is it a true or you are just in a lousy state of your mind right now?
I believe that there is always somebody that cares about us, even we don’t see it because we have a cloud of drama and disaster in front of our eyes, there is always a person that cares about us. That person maybe is bad at showing emotions and we can’t blame this person for it but if you feel like no one loves you, no one cares about you than Your Job is to look deeper not into yourself but into your friends and family members. See how they talk to you, see their actions and gestures.
It comes from your beliefs, your “not so happy” past and I think it also comes from not accepting others opinion. I’m not talking only about the bad opinions but also about the good one. Have you ever heard this: “There is always another point of view”? Every human is different and we receive information from outside in different ways. I’m sure you had a situation when somebody said “this is stupid” and you were like “no it’s actually cool” or somebody was telling you about their problems and you were like “I don’t get it, I don’t see any problem.
Just do this….” The same is with you and your confidence, you may think “oh I’m not going to make it this time again” or “probably this will not work out again” and someone may say “why not?! This is a brilliant idea!”.
What if you deleted the word “truth” from your vocabulary and instead of “this is the truth” you would say “it’s just my point of view”. I bet this little change will make you think about another point of view and you will not be stuck with your limited belief but you actually could find a solution to whatever obstacle showed up in front of you. Try to change it from time to time and you will see that some magic can happen. Even you will not be able to figure out another point of view you will know that “this is not what it is” and you will try to find some resource or somebody who will point you in the right direction. If you get ever stacked or not confident about something just send me an email or Facebook message.
My advice may not be perfect or even profitable BUT you will see a different point of view (mine) about your problem or struggle and this may give you an idea of solving the problem.
Now let’s focus a little bit about your past, because not being confident starts in your past. Everybody made some good and bad decisions in the past, the problem of people who do not have confident is that they are focusing mostly on the bad decisions they made and of course like Vicious Circle focusing mostly at bad decisions makes you even less confident about yourself. Try to get read of Regret. Regret is just a self-sabotage. What regret does it show you hundreds of good ways you could take but you didn’t and because you are “not good enough” you only chooses the bad ways.
This exercise may help you. Go buy a notebook; it shouldn’t be just a piece of paper because you will somehow lose it. Get notebook or diary and write all the wrong choices you made in the past. Write how did it happen and what kind of lesson you learned from it. Under that try to remember all good things that happened because of that bad decision you made, it could be something a month since you mad bad decision, a year etc. when it happened it doesn’t matter.
You may say “there is no such a thing” but it’s not true and it’s just your “protective” mechanism kicking in to protect you from change that could happen when you realize that some of your bad decisions actually led to something good, and as we all know MIND do not like much changes.
I’ll give you a personal example. I had regret that I wasn’t really present at school. Even I was inside the classroom didn’t care much about what teacher says so my scores were as low as possible only to pass to the higher class. Because I didn’t have good scores at the last exam for a while I couldn’t find a good paying job but because I was skipping classes and even acted like I’m very sick and stayed at home many times I met my wife.
Now we are together 9 years we have 2 beautiful and awesome sons. If I didn’t meet my wife probably till now I didn’t find about this type of business, I didn’t know that actually on the internet we can make much more money than in regular job and have even more free time. So once something seems like bad decision and current life is a total “disaster” because of this decision when you get deep into it and you will start to find the good points of “bad” decisions you made, you my friend will start to reduce your regret and that’s a huge step to becoming confident.
After you start to destroy your regrets focus on the present. Think what you need the most right now, what you expect from yourself and what others expect from you. Who do you like to hang out with, who you can feel happy with and be open minded? I used to be very not confident but in front of some people, I was the “center of the party” (if you know what I mean). How people will view you when you finally will do what you promised to do.
I’m pretty sure that you or somebody you know say big things but at the end they say “you know, it was just an idea” or “I changed my mind”, I used to do that and I know that you or somebody you know don’t create a breakthrough or hit the goal because you got tired or you lost your Vision. I am sure you didn’t do what you said that you will do because your “not-confident” part kicked in and you were afraid of some several things. That’s why you quit before an IMAGINED embarrassed feeling of failure came to you. Focus on the present. Feel what you need and what you want to do from now on.
After you do it, focus on the future. How will your life be when you finish your projects, how will your life be when you tell your boss or teammates with the head high “I can do this” or “I can handle this. Watch me”. How will people around you be like when you succeed, when you hit your goals? What can you bring to the world when you succeed, now actually you will have more opportunities to help other people, I’m not talking only about financials but even your own story how you made it, how you achieved your goals.
If you write it down you have no idea how many people you can impact because there are millions of people in a similar situation like you and your story will give them a hope and when there are a hope everything changes. After you will see your vision, you will get excited about your future and you will finally know what to do. Now focus on cutting off the Negative vibes.
People, places, TV, if there is any negativity in these 3 and be sure there are, try to avoid them as much as possible. If it’s about people, don’t be rude, but try to have less conversation with negative people. A problem with most people including me is that we are surrounded by negative things and people and that makes us feel down, that makes us feel “not sure”.
Avoid as much as possible but don’t be rude, when your negative aunt calls you for a lunch tell her that you have a lot of work to do or your kids are not feeling good, it shouldn’t be a lie but I am sure you can come up with some reason why you can’t go. While avoiding the negative vibes get some personal development training. It doesn’t have to be an expensive course. There are many not expensive courses, books and even free things to learn on the internet.
The intention of it that you should keep your mind in the “growth” state and whatever you learn you can use in your life and business. If you still have some “I’m not confident” situations coming up than Fake it till you make it. The funny thing is that many people say “Fake it till you make it” is a crap and doesn’t work. Well If you do it several times, yeah I agree first few times you will feel “not so good” but when you do it several times you will actually start to become confident in what you do.
Your own mind will buy into it, your mind will say “I’ve done it many times; it’s not a big deal anymore”.
Thank you for reading.
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